Here’s the problem with office pranks. It the same problem with the stand up comedy circuit – one person does a fantastic, hilarious job, and others try to follow suit and fail miserably.

I have a friend. He had a prank played on him at work. He always wore a blazer, no matter what the weather or occasion. The same blazer. His last name is Haber, so it was naturally called the Haber Blazer. A colleague swiped his blazer for 3 days, and sent him a ransom note “We have kidnapped your blazer. If you ever want to see it again, leave some biscuits on the banister by the men’s toilets. You have until 3 o’clock.” He sent letters from the blazer itself, “Just do what they say! They say they won’t use fabric softener!!” He even took photos of random people wearing the blazer, presumably as some allusion to it being sold into Blazer Labour if demands were not met.

This was a funny prank. Though it almost definitely took up too much of the pranker’s time, the results were amusing, no one got hurt and no one’s blood pressure was raised. It was a joke, you see.

I wish I’d told my friend that before he retaliated by letting the air out of the guy’s tyres as an attempt at a playful comeback. You see, this isn’t funny. This raises the blood pressure and causes 4 letter words to be uttered in a non-playful way. It’s not funny. It’s just annoying. Moreover, whereas this guy was pretty good at pranks, he’s not too smart when it comes to cars; instead of seeking out an air pump, he drove the car all the way to a garage, which made the hubcap cut through the tyre and get bent out of shape itself.

This playful comeback cost my friend the lower end of 3 figures.

And he got no laughs out of it.

(Unless you’re laughing right now)

I think it would have been funnier to leave his blazer wherever the guy went, indicating that it had Stockholm Syndrome.

It’s chumps like my friend (sorry man) who give office pranks a bad name. I’ve seen posts on the internet about sticking a piece of tape on the bottom of a colleague’s mouse so it doesn’t work, and they can collapse laughing as they watch their colleague/victim pull out wires and get stressed out, and presumably sue the poor guy for dental fees when he smacks the offender in the mouth with the aforementioned mouse.

This is not a funny prank. This is a prank where laughter is generated purely from the delight of being in on what’s happening. And possibly, a bit of sadism.

The inspiration for this blog was brought to you by: my day at work today. People were talking all day yesterday in hushed tones, because some money had been “stolen”. The offender was told to return the money by 9:02am Monday...in the exact amount, which was £22.90. Sorry, but who steals money in such an amount?? Maybe he took £23 but felt a bit guilty (you know, about the whole stealing thing), so put back any change he had, which on this day, happened to be 10p. I said as much, but my reputation as the joker in the office has apparently been solidified to such a level that anything I say is taken as an early draft of a stand-up bit.

My boss made an announcement about the 9:02am business and went to London. Since he is there until Sunday night, he doesn’t know what has now been confirmed in the office, that the “stolen” money was not stolen, but simply the result of a minor accounting miscalculation.

I asked why no one ever listens to me. Everyone laughed and said “Oh, you...”

Anyway, since my boss is away and has a massive Chelsea poster on his wall I decided it was the perfect opportunity for a prank, in remembrance of the Haber Blazer and the tyres that passed in its little adventure through the streets of Durham. The Chelsea poster has been transferred to a secure and secret location and replaced with a note written in letters cut from a magazine, proclaiming the possession of the money and the kidnapping of the poster, demanding a ransom for its release – that the investigation be dropped.

We feel our demands are more than reasonable.

The reason I am telling you this, dear readers, is that I feel office pranks are a wonderful thing, if they are funny and no one gets hurt or hugely stressed out in the process. It makes a sense of humour a part of office life. Laughter releases stress and brings people together.

I’m also telling you because if he has a sense of humour failure I’ll be fired on Monday and this blog will lie dormant.

I’ll keep you posted.